Saturday, October 20, 2007
ok more jokes to share XD
#10::Three men (John, Jack and Jim) were walking in an enchanted forest, searching for the legendary witch that was supposedly able to grant any wish.
After walking for few hours, they found a lake with a lady sitting on the egde.
John: Hi, eh... Are you the legendary witch whom everyone is talking about?
Witch: Yes, my curious man. What brings you here to my humble forest?
The three men proceeded to ask the witch about the wishes they have and how they can be granted.
Witch: Its simple... See this lake here? Just run towards it at your utmost top speed, jump into it with no hesitation and shout out whatever is that you wish for. The whole lake will be filled with that.
John started running towards the lake, jumped right in and shouted "LOTSA LOTSA MONEY!~!"
The whole lake turned into glimmering gold coins and he left happily after he took as much as he can.
Jack's turn was next and he ran towards the lake, jumped right in as well and shouted "I WANT LOTS OF PRETTY WOMAN!"
Immediately, the whole lake turned shallow and many pretty and curvacious women started to emerge.
All of them followed him home and he was a really happy man that night.
When it was Jim's turn, he hesitated as he did not really think of anything specific yet.
As he was running, he lost his concentration and stumbled on a tree trunk.
As he was flying right into the lake, he shouted "OH 5HIT~!!~"
Guess whats the outcome? Lol...
j
#11::Little Bobby came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner.
His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.
"Mom, I want a bike for my birthday." Little Bobby was a bit of a troublemaker.
He had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Bobby's mother asked him if he thought he deserved to get a bike for his birthday.
Little Bobby, of course, thought he did. Bobby's mother, wanted Bobby to reflect on his behavior over the last year.
"Go to your room, Bobby, and think about how you! have behaved this year. Then write a letter to God and tell him why you deserve a bike for your birthday."
Little Bobby stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.
Letter 1
Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I would like a bike for my birthday. I want a red one.
Your friend, Bobby
Bobby knew that this! wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.
Letter 2
Dear God, This is your friend Bobby. I have been a good boy this year and I would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you.
Your friend Bobby
Bobby knew that this wasn't true either. So, he tore up the letter and started again.
Letter 3 !
Dear God, I have been an "OK "boy this year.
I still would really like a bike for my birthday.
Bobby Bobby knew he could not send this letter to God either. So, Bobby wrote a fourth letter.
Letter 4
God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry.
I will be a good boy if you just send me a bike for my birthday. Please!
Thank you,
Bobby
Bobby knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get him a bike. Now, Bobby was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mom that he wanted to go to church. Bobby's mother thought her plan had worked, as Bobby looked very sad.
"Just be home in time for dinner," Bobby's mother told him.
Bobby walked down the street to the church on the corner. Little Bobby went into the church and up to the altar.
He looked around to see if anyone was there. Bobby bent down and picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped the statue under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into the house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room ! and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Bobby began to write his letter to God.
Letter 5 God,
I'VE KIDNAPPED YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND ME THE BIKE !!!!!!
Bobby
o
#12:: What's the matter, you look depressed.
" Senghaw"I'm having trouble with my wife." replied Tom
"What happened?" asked Senghaw
"She said she wasn't going to speak to me for 30 days."replied tom
"But that ought to make you happy since u doesnt like ur wife.' replied Tom
"It did, but today is the last day." SengHaw replied
k
#13::One day at school,
Teacher: How do you all find my way of teaching? Let's say, XiaoMing, you answer me.
XiaoMing: Very good!
Teacher: (Smiling) So will you recommend me to your friends?
XiaoMing: Definitely!
Teacher: Good! Good! Why would you do so?
XiaoMing: To sabo them.....
Teacher: ....
e
#14::Ah Beng: Does neatness count in our examination papers?
Teacher:Yes,in some ways.
Ah beng:Oh,then i should get some marks because i didn't write anything on the paper.
s
#15::Mr. Bear and Mr, Rabbit were enemies...
one day.. they bumped into each othr in the forest...
in the middle of them... there was a lamp...
both of the fought to rub the lamp.
A genie came out and said 'since i found both of u, i will grant each of u three wishes'
Mr. Bear quickly wished ' I want all the bear's in this woods to be females except me' and in a blink of an eye, his wish was granted...
mr. rabbit then said ' i wish for a crash helmet' his wish was granted as well...
Mr. Bear said 'I wish for all the bea'rs in this continent to be females except me' and once again the genie granted his wish...
after tht, mr. rabbit wished for a racing motorbike... and in a flash... there was a gigantic motorbike tht suited mr. rabbit perfectly...
for Mr. Bear's last and final wish... he wished for the bears in the whole world to be females except him...
the genie then carried out his final command from the bear...
Mr. Rabbit put on his crash helmet, mounted his racing motorbike and said 'I wish Mr. Bear was g4y!' and he rode off as quickly as he could!
t
#16::MATHS TEACHER: 'Figures can't lie. For instance, if one man can build a house in 12 days, 12 men can build it in one day.'
PUZZLED PUPIL: 'Then 288 men can build it in one hour, 17,280 in one minute, and 1,036,809 in one second. And if one ship can cross the Atlantic in six days, six ships can cross it in one day. Yes Sir, figures sure can't lie!'
i
#17::A boy was teaching a girl arithmetic.
He kissed her once; he kissed her twice and said, “Now that’s addition.”
In silent satisfaction, she sweetly gave the kisses back and said, “Now that’s subtraction.”
Then he kissed her, she kissed him, without an explanation.
And both together smiled and said, “That’s multiplication.”
Then the girl Dad appeared upon the scene and made a quick decision.
He kicked that boy three blocks away and said, “That’s long division!”
m
#18::back in the early history of the time when British invaded India..there was a river...the British camp was on 1 side and the other side was the indian army camp.
THe indian army camp has a watch tower..to keep an eye of the british soldiers..just incase they might attack anytime...
so one day..1 british soldier came out of the camp and asked the indian army on the watch tower British soldier:hey...wat army are you...
Indian soldier:@*&!#*(%)!*()#*!@&($!@
British soldier:***?! are you the Marines??(makes a sign of swimming)
indian soldier:@#(($)!@()$(*($)* ..........
British soldier: ok..are u the "AirForce" ?? (he puts both his hands above his heads making a triangle shaped sign).
indian soldier:@#!*@!()#*!*()@!()!!!!!!!!(he starts to panick a little)
British soldier:ok..i guess not..so.. are you the Land Army?? (he makes a sign of his finger poking through his another fist)
indian soldier:@#&!*(@&($&!&#*(&!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(he screamed)
british soldier:oh..i see.. you are the land army..okay... then the british soldier went back to his camp.
And the Indian soldier ran down the watch tower to the main camp nd reported to the General Indian soldier:SIR!! GUESS WAT THE BRITISH ARMY TOLD ME,HE SAID HE IS GONNA SWIM ACROSS THE RIVER,(makes the sign of ppl swimming) THEN CLIMB UP MY WATCH TOWER(makes triangle sign above the head) AND THEN **** ME!!!!! (makes the sign of his finger poking through his another fist)
the next day...the british soldier went out..wanted to be friends with the other indian soldier..but he was no where to be found
e
#19::ok for this joke mayb some of u had heard it some may not,some may think is lame other may not..so enjoy...
Today is John grandfather birthday they celbrate the day b4 his grandfather birthday.t hen john wish him Long life till 100.his grandfather was angry You Know Why?
Ans:Because tml is his grandfather 100th yrs old
s
#20::My friend runs a gym and was trying to encourage an overweight woman to keep peddling on the exercise bike.
"But it's so boring," said the woman."Close your eyes and imagine you're riding down the street," suggested my friend.
"It'll be more interesting."
Inspired, the woman cycled on, but after a minute she stopped.
"What's wrong?" asked my friend.
"The traffic lights are red," she replied.
the end
ok that all for today ....hav fun reading
~bb all~
Killme;
on;
10/20/2007 11:15:00 PM
